A few nights ago, Hubs and I finally had the discussion we've been tiptoeing around for the past several months.
About our 4-year-old. And how she seems so much younger than her classmates. How she seems, by comparison, socially stilted.
Is it her? Is it us? Is it these little girls, who look and act more like savvy Bratzy first-graders than preschoolers?
They dress older. They talk older. They act older. Hell, they're more street smart than some 30-year-olds I know.
And I realize I'm being totally unreasonable and totally overprotective and all rabid-mama-bear-like, but -- deep breath, here goes -- I don't like some of these girls. I think they're little snobs, just a bunch of Heathers in their formative years. And I don't like the fact that there is a social hierarchy in freaking preschool that rivals that of junior high.
Since when did the horror that is seventh-grade-girl-bitchy-behavior manifest itself in 4-year-olds?
I see my daughter wandering around the "socially acceptable" perimeters, confused and puppy-dog eager, and it bugs the hell out of me.
And it probably doesn't help that I totally DO NOT GET THEIR MOTHERS. They are not my peeps. I do not know how to relate or talk to them and therefore sound like a blathering oh-please-like me idiot every time I bump into their manicured, perfectly accessorized persons. Flashback to seventh-grade math and Heather Monroe and Heather Monroe's groupies.
Of course my child is having trouble. She's watching my ridiculous attempts to be sociable and socially acceptable.
What really disturbs me is that this isn't just her classmates or her school. We've been in other environments or social situations involving different groups of preschool girls and every time, I'm thinking Hello? What's with all the miniature 14-year-olds in here?
I might as well stuff myself into a pair of Jordache jeans and load up my tennis shoes with friendship pins -- right before I buy my kid a pair of Candies and a toe ring. Because, yes, it really is that bad.
15 comments:
Even though your writing is hilarious, I'm going to be serious for a moment: I was *shocked* when my eldest went to Kindergarten. Shocked at what I perceived to be bully-behaviour by adorable looking little girls. Towards other girls, mind you, not my son. In general, the boys seem(ed) clueless, but some of the girls were so *aware*, I couldn't believe it. They had clubs and not everyone could be a member, etc. It was awful. It was mostly this one tiny little thing who pulled the strings. And once she disappeared - the other girls went back to being babies. But wow! Girls can be *mean*!
Sorry, I'm ranting...you hit a nerve.
Heidi
I know my daughter will be like yours ... because that is how my husband and I are, too. I am awkward and shy and while The Poo is open and friendly and currently quite popular in the 2s class, she's a little girl and I plan to keep her that way.
Meaning that, I will not push her to be, act or perform to standards that are older than her numerical age. I won't push her to read early, enter math camp at five, etc. I think that is a big part of it.
I'm sorry your mother-heart is hurting.
You're post describes my fear of raising a daughter. It's insane how grown up 4 year olds are nowadays. I'm sure you're handling it the best way you can. Staying true to yourself is what matters in the end!
My daughter also lacked the Extreme Sophistication some of her peers had.
I developed several theories about this:
1. We healthily baby our kids. I have no desire for them to be sophisticated. They are knowledgeable, but the world rushes at your fast enough.
2. We are extremely selective in their television and movies.
3. We are extremely selective in their toys. And clothes.
4. Patience has no older siblings.
She learned about Hannah Montana in kindergarten, for example.
We just keep our kids little as long as we can, which makes it sound horrible like we hold them back but hopefully you know enough about me to know that's not the case.
I also kept Patience's limits to prevent Persistence from too much too soon.
We aren't control freaks but I don't like making kids mini-teens.
And they are thriving and fine.
As far as the fitting in socially...well...that's a much longer answer. Suffice it to say I understand.
Julie
Using My Words
It's creepy, isn't it? I didn't even know what High School Musical was (and neither did Matilda) until she started Kindergarten this fall. And I told you about the little girl in her class who takes cheerleading, right? I just can't (and don't want to) compete with that. It makes my heart hurt when I think about Matilda having to deal with the same kind of things I did in school, and it really does seem to be starting way too early.
It is SOOOO true. Scary true. Hang in there... and DON'T GIVE IN TO THE PLASTIC PEOPLE!
To me it says you are fantastic parents who haven't succombed to the plastic/princess/whore syndrome so many little girls are victims to....I have been in your shoes and felt like we didn't fit it and looking back, I am SO GLAD my daughter was a bit of a misfit at six instead of planning to watch Zorro at a sleepover because Antonio Banderes is "so cute" (overheard in my six year-old's class so many years ago).
Oh that sucks.
Society is totally going overboard making kids grow up too fast.
I don't have little girls, I have little boys, but yes, I have noticed the scary mutant tweeners who are only in elementary school. I think Julie Pippert is right about why there these kinds of kids out there - the whole exposure to things not wholesome or pertaining to innocent childhood. We also limit TV, computers, and other consumer-driven venues, in an effort to keep our kids, well,...KIDS! Is it working? All I know is my 10 and 8 year olds still believe in Santa, and its a wonderful thing to see that belief in magic. Stay the course, and don't let the creepy BRATZ creatures get you down!
tweeners in elementary school? blech. I have no words....
Maybe our daughters should hang out. Mine just turned 5, and she's the BOSSIEST thing in the world. Sweet, and not bratty or worldly, just...well, opinionated. I watch more submissive children fall into line behind her, doing her bidding, and it KILLS me because she is the opposite, socially, of what I was at that age. So maybe if your girl and mine spent time together, they would rub off on each other in all the right ways! Bella doesn't start kindergarten until next year, and she will be in public school for the first time. I have no idea what to expect.
And I'm almost always older than all the other moms, so I feel weird around them at first. Then I realize that nobody really cares, and I get over myself...a little.
Adding you to the blogroll right NOW--good stuff!
Wow. Your post scared me. I had no idea it was like that so early. My daughter's 2 1/2 and in preschool and right now all of the little girls love each other and are so sweet together. I hate to think that will change. I knew it would eventually but I had no idea it would be in about a year or so!
P.S. I don't get those moms either. I'm out of my league (and that's probably a good thing).
Gulp. Someone I know was telling me the same thing. And I was like, "Really? In preschool?" It's amazing. Makes me glad to have a boy.
I've definitely noticed a change in the girl social system from 3 to 4. Not sure why. Don't like it one bit and plan to talk to teacher to see if she can give me a little more insight into what's going on. Makes me shudder to think of what's to come.
Jordache! Candies! I remember! OMG. I had them, too! And LipSmackers in Lemonade (because everyone wants yellow-tinged lips... though oddly it was an accurate foretelling of my disposition...)
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