Still no power in the master bedroom. (Electricians? They vanish until after New Year's.)
Hubs left Dec. 26 to cover all the practices and events leading up to the Cotton Bowl. He's still sick, however, so I know he's not enjoying all those posh receptions or the free hockey admission tonight, right? Or those premium box seats.
Riiiiiiiiiight.
I do not begrudge him his hotel room. The hotel room with electricity.
My son is over his ear infection.
My daughter, however, caught Hubs' nasty virus and I've had no sleep for the past four nights.
OK, yeah, you got me. I do hate him for his hotel room and uninterrupted sleep.
Hate. Him.
I am coming down with something, likely the same horrible virus.
I watched something the other night -- maybe 48 Hours? -- and at some point people were saying that Christ's birth actually took place in April.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I've spent countless Christmas holidays either being ill or tending to other sick people and NOW they tell me that all these many years we could have been celebrating in the SPRING? When it's warm? When the mall isn't loaded with germs?
So who the hell picked gloomy December, better known as The Month of Colds and Flu?
That's just freaking cruel.
after re-reading this, i'm thinking perhaps my medication needs adjusting
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
A Christmas of Calamities
Desperate times.
I was actually eager to come to work this morning because – omg, two days without Internet access and my fingers had started to shrivel and fall off ... because, you know, I clearly didn't need them anymore.
On the Eve of Christmas Eve, the power in the master bedroom went off. Hubs fiddled with the fuse box and got part of the room powered up, and then there was this pop and a hideous burning smell.
"Fire in the attic!" Hubs yelled. "Call 911 and get the kids out of here!"
Tootie and my stepdaughter were already up, having smelled something strange in Tootie's room. I snatched a sleeping E-man out from his bed and we all headed outside.
Minutes later, the first fire engine pulled up. The E-man was agog.
So was his mommy, during the few seconds, that is, that she forgot the house might be on fire.
Firemen! Oh, goody! Merry Christmas to me!
Then all rationality returned when I remembered the state of our bedroom — which, given that we had just returned from a weekend away — looked as though 20 sugar-fueled toddlers had romped through it.
And yes, fleetingly, I did wonder: Could I maybe dash in and tidy up before they start, you know, putting out flames?
As it turns out, there was no fire. There is, obviously, a problem with our wiring. An electrician is coming tonight. Meanwhile, we have no power in that part of the house. And since the previous homeowner did terrible things with the phone lines underneath the house, the wireless unit thingy is operational only in our bedroom.
I'm not sure who was more horrified by the realization that we would be without the Internet — me or my stepson.
"You mean I can't get online?" he asked over and over. "At all?"
Hey, buddy, you're supposedly grounded from MySpace. I'm the one who's going to be suffering here.
By Christmas Eve, Hubs was curled up on the couch, hacking and whimpering under an afghan, while I hurriedly assembled and wrapped toys.
"I think I hab a feber," he sniffled. "Can you beel my borehead?"
It's been joy, joy, joy around these parts, let me tell you.
So. Hubs remains ill. We still have no power. No Internet. *sob*
But hey, I can now say I've had firemen in my bedroom.
If only they hadn't been greeted by the sight of my old, stretched-out maternity bra dangling from the closet door, which, of course, is conveniently located next to the fuse box.
*blush*
I was actually eager to come to work this morning because – omg, two days without Internet access and my fingers had started to shrivel and fall off ... because, you know, I clearly didn't need them anymore.
On the Eve of Christmas Eve, the power in the master bedroom went off. Hubs fiddled with the fuse box and got part of the room powered up, and then there was this pop and a hideous burning smell.
"Fire in the attic!" Hubs yelled. "Call 911 and get the kids out of here!"
Tootie and my stepdaughter were already up, having smelled something strange in Tootie's room. I snatched a sleeping E-man out from his bed and we all headed outside.
Minutes later, the first fire engine pulled up. The E-man was agog.
So was his mommy, during the few seconds, that is, that she forgot the house might be on fire.
Firemen! Oh, goody! Merry Christmas to me!
Then all rationality returned when I remembered the state of our bedroom — which, given that we had just returned from a weekend away — looked as though 20 sugar-fueled toddlers had romped through it.
And yes, fleetingly, I did wonder: Could I maybe dash in and tidy up before they start, you know, putting out flames?
As it turns out, there was no fire. There is, obviously, a problem with our wiring. An electrician is coming tonight. Meanwhile, we have no power in that part of the house. And since the previous homeowner did terrible things with the phone lines underneath the house, the wireless unit thingy is operational only in our bedroom.
I'm not sure who was more horrified by the realization that we would be without the Internet — me or my stepson.
"You mean I can't get online?" he asked over and over. "At all?"
Hey, buddy, you're supposedly grounded from MySpace. I'm the one who's going to be suffering here.
By Christmas Eve, Hubs was curled up on the couch, hacking and whimpering under an afghan, while I hurriedly assembled and wrapped toys.
"I think I hab a feber," he sniffled. "Can you beel my borehead?"
It's been joy, joy, joy around these parts, let me tell you.
So. Hubs remains ill. We still have no power. No Internet. *sob*
But hey, I can now say I've had firemen in my bedroom.
If only they hadn't been greeted by the sight of my old, stretched-out maternity bra dangling from the closet door, which, of course, is conveniently located next to the fuse box.
*blush*
Friday, December 21, 2007
Shut up, ovaries!
Let this be a warning: Do not drink and Flickr. Especially when experiencing holiday-induced nostalgia.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
O Holy Night ... with a little Barbie on the side
This was written last night, but I couldn't get Blogger to cooperate with posting photos.
So there I was, wallowing in all my holiday misery — sick child, arrested stepson, impending visit to the in-laws, blah, blah, blah...
And then B.A., that self-proclaimed Godless Heathen, just had to go and post this, thereby crashing my pity party.
So I listened to my favorite carol of all time.
Then I peeked in on the now-sleeping sick toddler, who, curled up in his favorite position, suddenly looked all babylike (*sigh*) and pffft ...
... there went tonight's intended bitchy post.
Ah, well.
Lest you think I'm getting too gushy, let me direct you to these here Barbie pics.
For context, go here.
*Note: I think perhaps I embarrassed B., as he has NOT sent me the really hardcore ones. But you'll get the general idea from these. Just take things one step further in your imagination. Oh, and pretend that one pic isn't cropped.
So there I was, wallowing in all my holiday misery — sick child, arrested stepson, impending visit to the in-laws, blah, blah, blah...
And then B.A., that self-proclaimed Godless Heathen, just had to go and post this, thereby crashing my pity party.
So I listened to my favorite carol of all time.
Then I peeked in on the now-sleeping sick toddler, who, curled up in his favorite position, suddenly looked all babylike (*sigh*) and pffft ...
... there went tonight's intended bitchy post.
Ah, well.
Lest you think I'm getting too gushy, let me direct you to these here Barbie pics.
For context, go here.
*Note: I think perhaps I embarrassed B., as he has NOT sent me the really hardcore ones. But you'll get the general idea from these. Just take things one step further in your imagination. Oh, and pretend that one pic isn't cropped.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
'Tis the season of plague...
... or, as one friend and fellow mama put it:
"I am just one virus away from my goal weight."
"I am just one virus away from my goal weight."
Sunday, December 16, 2007
How do we make him see?
Update to previous post:
My stepson will face a felony charge if the police/prosecutor decide to pursue this. And despite our explanations as to why this would be very bad, T. doesn't seem to be sufficiently concerned.
I am at a loss.
He's spending the weekend at our house. Initial plans were that he would stay the week and his mom (who's retired) would take him from our house to school and back again each day. (He goes to school in another district, 30 minutes away from us.) I thought it was a brilliant plan. Here at our house, we have one television, one computer and one phone, which is not a cordless. (Oh, and it's located in our bedroom, so there's no privacy for a teen who's trying to sneak a call to his girlfriend because he's been grounded from his cell phone.) And of course, there's a very lively toddler and chatty preschooler, who don't understand a teenager's love of sleeping in on weekend mornings, particularly after a late night at the police station.
Already, T. has been subjected to endless Wiggles dancing and episodes of Little Bear. Here at Chez Arkie Mama we don't scare 'em straight -- we Noggin 'em back onto the path of righteousness.
Now, however, his mom says she wants to take him home tomorrow.
Honestly, I'm not optimistic about the next few months. For one, there's no telling what will result from this incident. Even if he emerges unscathed (legally), he doesn't appear to have learned anything from it.
So.
How do you get a 16-year-old to understand the seriousness of the trouble he's in? And how do you prevent him from getting into more when the parents live in two different households 30 minutes apart and have differing ideas as to how this latest mess should be addressed?
I, of course, am a snooping, meddling stepmother (god bless mysp*ce and the arrogance of teenagers who don't realize that we "stupid parents" actually know how to find them on it) who has to walk a fine line so as not to anger or undercut the bioparents.
It's frustrating. It's depressing. Because even if he gets out of this one, he lives in a small town and will get busted again, probably quite soon given what happened last night.
My stepson is such a bright kid with so much potential.
There's got to be a way to pull him (even if he's kicking and screaming) through this. I hope.
My stepson will face a felony charge if the police/prosecutor decide to pursue this. And despite our explanations as to why this would be very bad, T. doesn't seem to be sufficiently concerned.
I am at a loss.
He's spending the weekend at our house. Initial plans were that he would stay the week and his mom (who's retired) would take him from our house to school and back again each day. (He goes to school in another district, 30 minutes away from us.) I thought it was a brilliant plan. Here at our house, we have one television, one computer and one phone, which is not a cordless. (Oh, and it's located in our bedroom, so there's no privacy for a teen who's trying to sneak a call to his girlfriend because he's been grounded from his cell phone.) And of course, there's a very lively toddler and chatty preschooler, who don't understand a teenager's love of sleeping in on weekend mornings, particularly after a late night at the police station.
Already, T. has been subjected to endless Wiggles dancing and episodes of Little Bear. Here at Chez Arkie Mama we don't scare 'em straight -- we Noggin 'em back onto the path of righteousness.
Now, however, his mom says she wants to take him home tomorrow.
Honestly, I'm not optimistic about the next few months. For one, there's no telling what will result from this incident. Even if he emerges unscathed (legally), he doesn't appear to have learned anything from it.
So.
How do you get a 16-year-old to understand the seriousness of the trouble he's in? And how do you prevent him from getting into more when the parents live in two different households 30 minutes apart and have differing ideas as to how this latest mess should be addressed?
I, of course, am a snooping, meddling stepmother (god bless mysp*ce and the arrogance of teenagers who don't realize that we "stupid parents" actually know how to find them on it) who has to walk a fine line so as not to anger or undercut the bioparents.
It's frustrating. It's depressing. Because even if he gets out of this one, he lives in a small town and will get busted again, probably quite soon given what happened last night.
My stepson is such a bright kid with so much potential.
There's got to be a way to pull him (even if he's kicking and screaming) through this. I hope.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Bad night
Those issues I mentioned my stepson having? During the debate over whether he should have a car?
They just got infinitely worse. We were summoned from a Christmas party tonight by Hubs' ex. My stepson was at the police department. I'm waiting for Hubs to get home. He's bringing T. with him. I'd say at this point there's a fairly decent chance we're about to have a teenage boy living with us.
I'm worried about my stepson. He's 16, too young to be screwing up his life.
And I feel horrible for Hubs. His face, when he took that call...
Awful.
They just got infinitely worse. We were summoned from a Christmas party tonight by Hubs' ex. My stepson was at the police department. I'm waiting for Hubs to get home. He's bringing T. with him. I'd say at this point there's a fairly decent chance we're about to have a teenage boy living with us.
I'm worried about my stepson. He's 16, too young to be screwing up his life.
And I feel horrible for Hubs. His face, when he took that call...
Awful.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Green goo and Barbies -- you know you want to read this one
Last night, while Hubs was reading the kids their second bedtime story, I decided to throw in a load of laundry.
The new bottle of detergent, however, refused to open.
I ran it under hot water, banged it against the kitchen counter a few times, hoping to loosen it up, but no luck.
And thus began this conversation with myself:
I'll just go get Hubs to open it.
Why? Used to be a time when you dealt with this sort of thing on your own. Because, you know, you were an independent woman who didn't have to run to Hubs with a detergent bottle or a jar of spaghetti sauce or ...
OK, OK, I get the point. But the damn thing won't OPEN.
Well bang it against the counter again. You've got to regain your self-sufficiency. No need to depend on the Man of the House. So show me you've still got it. Open the detergent.
At this point, Hubs is interrupted in his reading by all the clamoring in the kitchen.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
And then ...
"Oh, shit!"
"What happened?" he asked dashing into the kitchen, where he immediately hydroplaned across the tile floor.
"What the hell?" he gasped, looking at the neon-green goo that covered the floor and cabinets.
"This looks like a scene out of Ghostbusters."
"Well, I was trying to open this detergent, and it ... well, it broke."
Hubs rolled his eyes.
It took several rounds of vinegar and towels before we concluded that our floor no longer had the surface of an ice rink.
As we sprawled on the couches with our glasses of wine, he asked, "Why didn't you bring that to me? I would have opened it for you."
And Premenstrual Cathy snarled, "Why should I be forced to go to a MAN to do something I should be able to do myself?! Grrr."
Hubs, focusing immediately on the telltale snarl, wisely dropped the subject.
---------------------------------------------------
In other news, I am now in possession of the slutty Barbie pics. I'm thinking about posting them elsewhere so that you won't open up this here Site of Maternal Serenity and get blasted by pictures of Barbie romping with various partners on the couch. First, however, I have a technical glitch that will require B.'s assistance. (having trouble opening most of the photos -- B., if you're reading this - help!)
Ooh, and maybe just for fun, I'll set up a little Q&A with B. and you guys can hear for yourselves how all this came to pass.
(He is not, however, allowed to describe how I tripped and fell on my face for no apparent reason in downtown Memphis.)
All right, I'm up way past my already-late bedtime.
Photos tomorrow. Somewhere.
The new bottle of detergent, however, refused to open.
I ran it under hot water, banged it against the kitchen counter a few times, hoping to loosen it up, but no luck.
And thus began this conversation with myself:
I'll just go get Hubs to open it.
Why? Used to be a time when you dealt with this sort of thing on your own. Because, you know, you were an independent woman who didn't have to run to Hubs with a detergent bottle or a jar of spaghetti sauce or ...
OK, OK, I get the point. But the damn thing won't OPEN.
Well bang it against the counter again. You've got to regain your self-sufficiency. No need to depend on the Man of the House. So show me you've still got it. Open the detergent.
At this point, Hubs is interrupted in his reading by all the clamoring in the kitchen.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
And then ...
"Oh, shit!"
"What happened?" he asked dashing into the kitchen, where he immediately hydroplaned across the tile floor.
"What the hell?" he gasped, looking at the neon-green goo that covered the floor and cabinets.
"This looks like a scene out of Ghostbusters."
"Well, I was trying to open this detergent, and it ... well, it broke."
Hubs rolled his eyes.
It took several rounds of vinegar and towels before we concluded that our floor no longer had the surface of an ice rink.
As we sprawled on the couches with our glasses of wine, he asked, "Why didn't you bring that to me? I would have opened it for you."
And Premenstrual Cathy snarled, "Why should I be forced to go to a MAN to do something I should be able to do myself?! Grrr."
Hubs, focusing immediately on the telltale snarl, wisely dropped the subject.
---------------------------------------------------
In other news, I am now in possession of the slutty Barbie pics. I'm thinking about posting them elsewhere so that you won't open up this here Site of Maternal Serenity and get blasted by pictures of Barbie romping with various partners on the couch. First, however, I have a technical glitch that will require B.'s assistance. (having trouble opening most of the photos -- B., if you're reading this - help!)
Ooh, and maybe just for fun, I'll set up a little Q&A with B. and you guys can hear for yourselves how all this came to pass.
(He is not, however, allowed to describe how I tripped and fell on my face for no apparent reason in downtown Memphis.)
All right, I'm up way past my already-late bedtime.
Photos tomorrow. Somewhere.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Stop the holiday whirl -- I want off!
OK, I'm actually a little calmer than I was a few days ago, but that could be the Benedryl I'm taking for this cold my daughter so generously passed on to me.
Anyway, I've been a bad bloggy friend. I'm going to begin catching up on my blog-reading tonight.
Thanks to all of you, dear readers, for your support and insight during my days-long panic attack. Your comments made me feel less crazy and evil.
So. Stepson is not getting a car and -- gasp! -- despite my fears, the matter was settled amicably.
And Hubs told my brother-in-law that we couldn't continue to buy all these of holiday presents for people we don't know. AND HE STOOD HIS GROUND. This is progress, people, real progress.
Actually, I think my PMS (combined with holiday stress) was scaring him. Perhaps now is the time to tell him that I still don't want to go to my in-laws, even though we'll be back before Christmas Eve?
Oh, I dread this. More later as to why I got off on the wrong foot with these people.
For now, I'll end with this exchange between Stepdaughter and myself during a shopping trip Sunday.
Scene: We are in the car, headed to the next store.
CATHY: [squeals!] Hey, that's Bon Jovi! I used to love them! [turns up radio until "Bad Medicine" is blaring.]
STEPDAUGHTER: You mean this isn't a new band? I thought they just came out.
CATHY: Oh dear child, this band was HUGE when I was in junior high and high school. You've heard "You Give Love a Bad Name" or "Livin on a Prayer" haven't you?
Stepdaughter shakes her head.
CATHY: No way! What about "Wanted, dead or alive" -- you've heard that one, surely.
STEPDAUGHTER: [shaking head again] No. I've only heard that song that just came out, you know, the one they play on the country music or easy listening stations.
omigod, one of my big-hair bands is now considered "easy-listening"
oh, my aching ego
Anyway, I've been a bad bloggy friend. I'm going to begin catching up on my blog-reading tonight.
Thanks to all of you, dear readers, for your support and insight during my days-long panic attack. Your comments made me feel less crazy and evil.
So. Stepson is not getting a car and -- gasp! -- despite my fears, the matter was settled amicably.
And Hubs told my brother-in-law that we couldn't continue to buy all these of holiday presents for people we don't know. AND HE STOOD HIS GROUND. This is progress, people, real progress.
Actually, I think my PMS (combined with holiday stress) was scaring him. Perhaps now is the time to tell him that I still don't want to go to my in-laws, even though we'll be back before Christmas Eve?
Oh, I dread this. More later as to why I got off on the wrong foot with these people.
For now, I'll end with this exchange between Stepdaughter and myself during a shopping trip Sunday.
Scene: We are in the car, headed to the next store.
CATHY: [squeals!] Hey, that's Bon Jovi! I used to love them! [turns up radio until "Bad Medicine" is blaring.]
STEPDAUGHTER: You mean this isn't a new band? I thought they just came out.
CATHY: Oh dear child, this band was HUGE when I was in junior high and high school. You've heard "You Give Love a Bad Name" or "Livin on a Prayer" haven't you?
Stepdaughter shakes her head.
CATHY: No way! What about "Wanted, dead or alive" -- you've heard that one, surely.
STEPDAUGHTER: [shaking head again] No. I've only heard that song that just came out, you know, the one they play on the country music or easy listening stations.
omigod, one of my big-hair bands is now considered "easy-listening"
oh, my aching ego
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Why Christmas makes me effing crazy
On my side, the Christmas name-drawing means our family has to shop for two people. We'll also get a present for my nephew. So that's three.
On Hubs' side, we've been given a list of eight.
Tonight, as I stressed over finances and a Christmas budget, I scanned Hubs' list of this year's names.
Brandon.
Brandon?
Who the hell is Brandon?
I've heard the name ... think, Cathy, think ...
Oh, yeah.
Brandon is my brother-in-law's wife's son-in-law.
We've never met this Brandon person. He's never been at any family gatherings. Neither has his wife. We've never met her either.
But we're supposed to buy Christmas presents for these people, including my brother-in-law's grandkids.
We cannot afford it.
Hubs has asked his brother -- who organizes the drawing each year -- to either abandon the practice or at least pare it down a little. After all, we don't even know some of these people we're buying gifts for year after year.
But oh no, it's family tradition and blah, blah, blah...
Even at a $20 minimum per person, we easily spend $200 a year on this one name-drawing, due to the number of names we're given.
I hate it. It makes me bitter and resentful. I'm pissed off every second that we're shopping and buying stupid alarm clocks for young adult people we never see or hear from.
This year, after my latest panic attack, Hubs put a call into his brother's house to tell him we just can't keep doing this.
If I hear Hubs caving, you will hear my shrieking from here to Canada.
And now I'm going to go refill my wineglass.
On Hubs' side, we've been given a list of eight.
Tonight, as I stressed over finances and a Christmas budget, I scanned Hubs' list of this year's names.
Brandon.
Brandon?
Who the hell is Brandon?
I've heard the name ... think, Cathy, think ...
Oh, yeah.
Brandon is my brother-in-law's wife's son-in-law.
We've never met this Brandon person. He's never been at any family gatherings. Neither has his wife. We've never met her either.
But we're supposed to buy Christmas presents for these people, including my brother-in-law's grandkids.
We cannot afford it.
Hubs has asked his brother -- who organizes the drawing each year -- to either abandon the practice or at least pare it down a little. After all, we don't even know some of these people we're buying gifts for year after year.
But oh no, it's family tradition and blah, blah, blah...
Even at a $20 minimum per person, we easily spend $200 a year on this one name-drawing, due to the number of names we're given.
I hate it. It makes me bitter and resentful. I'm pissed off every second that we're shopping and buying stupid alarm clocks for young adult people we never see or hear from.
This year, after my latest panic attack, Hubs put a call into his brother's house to tell him we just can't keep doing this.
If I hear Hubs caving, you will hear my shrieking from here to Canada.
And now I'm going to go refill my wineglass.
Friday, December 07, 2007
She looked for us...
... as she stood on the stage, preparing to sing the first carol.
Pensive. Searching.
And then she spotted her mama and brother, off to the side.
Hubs captured her image, just as she waved.
To be sought after, needed. It makes my heart hurt. In a good way.
Pensive. Searching.
And then she spotted her mama and brother, off to the side.
Hubs captured her image, just as she waved.
To be sought after, needed. It makes my heart hurt. In a good way.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Your opinions, please?
With her usual impeccable timing, Hubs' ex called at the height of the holiday season to enlist Hubs' financial aid in buying my stepson a car. And to help pay for insurance. For a TEENAGE BOY. Gah!
After my head popped off and exploded into itty bits, I ticked off a list of reasons to Hubs that I'm not inclined to pitch in at this stage.
A.) Stepson turned 16 in June. Enough said.
B.) Stepson chose not to work this summer. He partied. And partied. And partied. There also were some serious Stepson-related issues this summer that I have promised not to disclose on this here blog, but let's just say there's a lack of trust (on my part, if not his *ahem* naive parents) that he is ready for a car. He keeps saying he'll get a job and contribute to any future vehicles/insurance, but thus far there's been no indication this will happen. I say if he wants his own car at age 16, he can damn well get a part-time or weekend job and contribute.
C.) We just scrape by financially. Our "savings?" A joke. We just paid off one of our cars this summer. We're in no position to help buy a car or *shudder* contribute to a teenage boy's insurance. We. Just. Don't. Have. The. Money.
D.) I'm annoyed that Hubs is carrying on about how a teenage boys needs a car...blah, blah, blah. Again, given what went on this summer, I wouldn't have even let him get his license.
E.) We. Don't. Have. The. Money.
So, before I plunge too deeply into my role as evil Stepmother who deprives children of their grownup toys, what are your thoughts, please?
Are we "obligated" to do this, as the ex implies?
I don't come from a world where kids were entitled to or guaranteed a car when they turned 16. So I can't get my head around this one.
I drove my dad's Dodge Omni during my senior year in high school. When I graduated, he let me take it to college. I didn't get my first car until a year before I graduated -- from college. When I did, I drove it for 10 years. Also, I started working when I turned 16. And my opinion is that if he's "old enough" to have his own car, he's old enough to get a job, even if it's only a weekend one.
My upbringing and personal feelings aside, however, there's no freaking way we could afford it.
After my head popped off and exploded into itty bits, I ticked off a list of reasons to Hubs that I'm not inclined to pitch in at this stage.
A.) Stepson turned 16 in June. Enough said.
B.) Stepson chose not to work this summer. He partied. And partied. And partied. There also were some serious Stepson-related issues this summer that I have promised not to disclose on this here blog, but let's just say there's a lack of trust (on my part, if not his *ahem* naive parents) that he is ready for a car. He keeps saying he'll get a job and contribute to any future vehicles/insurance, but thus far there's been no indication this will happen. I say if he wants his own car at age 16, he can damn well get a part-time or weekend job and contribute.
C.) We just scrape by financially. Our "savings?" A joke. We just paid off one of our cars this summer. We're in no position to help buy a car or *shudder* contribute to a teenage boy's insurance. We. Just. Don't. Have. The. Money.
D.) I'm annoyed that Hubs is carrying on about how a teenage boys needs a car...blah, blah, blah. Again, given what went on this summer, I wouldn't have even let him get his license.
E.) We. Don't. Have. The. Money.
So, before I plunge too deeply into my role as evil Stepmother who deprives children of their grownup toys, what are your thoughts, please?
Are we "obligated" to do this, as the ex implies?
I don't come from a world where kids were entitled to or guaranteed a car when they turned 16. So I can't get my head around this one.
I drove my dad's Dodge Omni during my senior year in high school. When I graduated, he let me take it to college. I didn't get my first car until a year before I graduated -- from college. When I did, I drove it for 10 years. Also, I started working when I turned 16. And my opinion is that if he's "old enough" to have his own car, he's old enough to get a job, even if it's only a weekend one.
My upbringing and personal feelings aside, however, there's no freaking way we could afford it.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
"OK, we're ready for you guys!"
HUBS & CATHY, talking over one another: Alrighty, Stepdaughter, just sit here on the piano bench in front of the Christmas tree. Stepson, sit next to her. Tootie, stand in front them. OK, let's put E-man in Stepson's lap.
E-MAN: Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Waaaaaaah!
HUBS: What's wrong with him? Hey, buddy! Look at Daddy! Give Daddy a big smile.
E-MAN: No! Waaaah! I no like this shirt. Waaaah!
CATHY: As soon as we're done, you can take it off.
E-MAN: Waaaaaah! I NO LIKE IT! I NO LIKE THIS SHIRT!
HUBS to CATHY: What's up with the shirt?
CATHY: He recently decided that he hates button-downs.
HUBS: Hey, E! Just a few pictures and you can take it off, OK?
CATHY: Tootie, quit looking at E-man. Look at Daddy. Look at him! Daddy! OK, now smile at Daddy!
E-MAN: Waaah! Waaaah!
Behold, this year's photo for the Christmas cards:
E-MAN: Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Waaaaaaah!
HUBS: What's wrong with him? Hey, buddy! Look at Daddy! Give Daddy a big smile.
E-MAN: No! Waaaah! I no like this shirt. Waaaah!
CATHY: As soon as we're done, you can take it off.
E-MAN: Waaaaaah! I NO LIKE IT! I NO LIKE THIS SHIRT!
HUBS to CATHY: What's up with the shirt?
CATHY: He recently decided that he hates button-downs.
HUBS: Hey, E! Just a few pictures and you can take it off, OK?
CATHY: Tootie, quit looking at E-man. Look at Daddy. Look at him! Daddy! OK, now smile at Daddy!
E-MAN: Waaah! Waaaah!
Behold, this year's photo for the Christmas cards:
Saturday, December 01, 2007
My husband really knows how to woo a woman
Hubs and Cathy have just returned from a friend's birthday party. Kids are in bed, and our amorous couple is planning a night of passion. (OK, maybe 30 minutes of passion. We're old, easily exhausted and not so limber these days. But I digress.)
HUBS: [waggling eyebrows] I'll be waiting in the bedroom.
CATHY: I'm just going to brush my teeth, wash my face and take out my contacts.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks on the bathroom door.
CATHY: [seductively] Yes....?
HUBS: Uh. The dog just threw up in the kitchen.
CATHY: What did she get into?
HUBS: Possibly some Saltines.
CATHY: OK, hang on a sec.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks again.
CATHY: [not so seductively as she is now facing dog-vomit cleanup] Yes...?
HUBS: Hey, just leave the throw-up and we can clean it up after ... you know.
CATHY: I can't have s-e-x knowing that there's dog puke on the floor.
HUBS: Well, we'll clean up right after.
CATHY: By "we" you mean "me." Because you always retch.
HUBS: Well...
CATHY: I cannot stay in the mood knowing that the dog has yakked on the kitchen floor. Sorry. Just can't.
HUBS: Oh. OK.
CATHY: ???????????????????
..................................................
OK, so back to Barbie's foray into porn...
Thursday afternoon, I left for Memphis with a photographer to follow up on the I-40 bus crash. The photographer was B., who, as we now know, decided to pimp out Barbie to GI Joe and take pictures.
Five minutes after I heaved myself into B.'s Tahoe (again, not so limber these days), he handed me his iPhone.
"Check these out," he said.
I turned the phone round and round before realizing I was staring at Barbie's ass. On top of ... ohhhhhhh....
Being the dainty type *snort* I blushed.
B. laughed. "I read your blog," he said.
"Oh. Yeah. Heh. I couldn't resist after Hubs told me about the -- ohmigod, you've got Barbie straddling some brunette chick! And here she is with Joe again. Wow, she's really limber for someone who can't bend her knees more than two clicks. Hey, how does Ken feel about this betrayal?"
B. laughed, and explained how he'd gotten the idea after shooting his son's action figures with some new photo technique.
"So what did your wife say about these? Because if I walked in on Hubs taking pictures of Barbie doing the dirty ... well, we'd be having some discussion about that."
"Uh...she doesn't know. I mean, I haven't told her yet. But I don't think she'll think of them as highly as she does my other work."
HUBS: [waggling eyebrows] I'll be waiting in the bedroom.
CATHY: I'm just going to brush my teeth, wash my face and take out my contacts.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks on the bathroom door.
CATHY: [seductively] Yes....?
HUBS: Uh. The dog just threw up in the kitchen.
CATHY: What did she get into?
HUBS: Possibly some Saltines.
CATHY: OK, hang on a sec.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks again.
CATHY: [not so seductively as she is now facing dog-vomit cleanup] Yes...?
HUBS: Hey, just leave the throw-up and we can clean it up after ... you know.
CATHY: I can't have s-e-x knowing that there's dog puke on the floor.
HUBS: Well, we'll clean up right after.
CATHY: By "we" you mean "me." Because you always retch.
HUBS: Well...
CATHY: I cannot stay in the mood knowing that the dog has yakked on the kitchen floor. Sorry. Just can't.
HUBS: Oh. OK.
CATHY: ???????????????????
..................................................
OK, so back to Barbie's foray into porn...
Thursday afternoon, I left for Memphis with a photographer to follow up on the I-40 bus crash. The photographer was B., who, as we now know, decided to pimp out Barbie to GI Joe and take pictures.
Five minutes after I heaved myself into B.'s Tahoe (again, not so limber these days), he handed me his iPhone.
"Check these out," he said.
I turned the phone round and round before realizing I was staring at Barbie's ass. On top of ... ohhhhhhh....
Being the dainty type *snort* I blushed.
B. laughed. "I read your blog," he said.
"Oh. Yeah. Heh. I couldn't resist after Hubs told me about the -- ohmigod, you've got Barbie straddling some brunette chick! And here she is with Joe again. Wow, she's really limber for someone who can't bend her knees more than two clicks. Hey, how does Ken feel about this betrayal?"
B. laughed, and explained how he'd gotten the idea after shooting his son's action figures with some new photo technique.
"So what did your wife say about these? Because if I walked in on Hubs taking pictures of Barbie doing the dirty ... well, we'd be having some discussion about that."
"Uh...she doesn't know. I mean, I haven't told her yet. But I don't think she'll think of them as highly as she does my other work."
Friday, November 30, 2007
I was walking (falling) in Memphis
After spending an afternoon and evening in Memphis (for a story) the photographer and I decided to go eat before heading out.
We were wandering downtown, mulling our many options, when I tripped over -- well, nothing really. Maybe my own two klutzy feet?
With arms extended, I flew forward.
"Oh my God!" I heard the photographer exclaim. As in, oh my God, why is the reporter airborne?
I mean, one minute we're discussing sushi and the next minute I'm sprawled on a sidewalk.
As I landed on my hands and knees, the photographer reached down, looped his arms under my pits and hauled me to my feet.
Oh, the shame!
And the first thought to flash through my mind was, I have re-injured my shoulder and
will have to return to Hot Doctor and explain how I have managed twice in one year to fail a Superman audition.
Thankfully, I suffered only scraped hands and bruised knees.
The photographer with me was the guy who took the Barbie pictures. I've seen them, and it wasn't Ken she was boinking, but GI Joe. And whoever passes for PJ these days. More on that tomorrow. (Oh, and he said he would give me pics to post.)
We were wandering downtown, mulling our many options, when I tripped over -- well, nothing really. Maybe my own two klutzy feet?
With arms extended, I flew forward.
"Oh my God!" I heard the photographer exclaim. As in, oh my God, why is the reporter airborne?
I mean, one minute we're discussing sushi and the next minute I'm sprawled on a sidewalk.
As I landed on my hands and knees, the photographer reached down, looped his arms under my pits and hauled me to my feet.
Oh, the shame!
And the first thought to flash through my mind was, I have re-injured my shoulder and
will have to return to Hot Doctor and explain how I have managed twice in one year to fail a Superman audition.
Thankfully, I suffered only scraped hands and bruised knees.
The photographer with me was the guy who took the Barbie pictures. I've seen them, and it wasn't Ken she was boinking, but GI Joe. And whoever passes for PJ these days. More on that tomorrow. (Oh, and he said he would give me pics to post.)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Yep, that's me, domestic goddess...
... and resident s*xpot.
Note the stained T-shirt, the too-snug workout pants, the hand-on-hip pose.
Do I still have it or what?
Note the stained T-shirt, the too-snug workout pants, the hand-on-hip pose.
Do I still have it or what?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wordless Wednesday
(Hubs' birthday, 2007: Tootie, E-man, Hubs, Stepdaughter, Stepson. Tootie wanted more cake.)
More Wordless Wednesday here.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Once upon a time...
... there was a fluffy Persian kitty named Precious.
She belonged to a couple named Jo and Staton.
Only Jo was allowed to pet Precious. Anyone else who tried to cuddle the kitty ended up leaving Jo and Staton's house with oozing wounds.
Anytime Jo and Staton went out of town, a friend -- let's call him ... Hubs -- would drop by to feed Precious.
One evening, after Hubs had filled the kitty bowl, he realized that he had to pee.
There was a nightlight in Jo and Staton's bathroom, so Hubs didn't bother with the overhead.
He shut the door, unzipped and started his business.
Midstream, he heard a frighteningly familiar noise:
Hissssssssssss... Hahhhhhhh... Hissssssssss............
Hubs froze. He looked to the right. There, between him and the closed bathroom door stood a bristling Precious, who, according to Hubs, was clearly eying Hubs' prized dangly bits.
Frantically, Hubs zipped and edged cautiously past Precious.
He never again used the bathroom at Jo and Staton's without inspecting every nook and cranny before unzipping.
"I fed and cared for that cat for years," he recalls. "And never once did I ever pet the cat."
Pause.
"Never once did I ever want to pet the cat."
So the Hubs? Not a cat person.
Which may be why he's willing to overlook the fact that our dog has taken up residence in the dirty-laundry basket.
She belonged to a couple named Jo and Staton.
Only Jo was allowed to pet Precious. Anyone else who tried to cuddle the kitty ended up leaving Jo and Staton's house with oozing wounds.
Anytime Jo and Staton went out of town, a friend -- let's call him ... Hubs -- would drop by to feed Precious.
One evening, after Hubs had filled the kitty bowl, he realized that he had to pee.
There was a nightlight in Jo and Staton's bathroom, so Hubs didn't bother with the overhead.
He shut the door, unzipped and started his business.
Midstream, he heard a frighteningly familiar noise:
Hissssssssssss... Hahhhhhhh... Hissssssssss............
Hubs froze. He looked to the right. There, between him and the closed bathroom door stood a bristling Precious, who, according to Hubs, was clearly eying Hubs' prized dangly bits.
Frantically, Hubs zipped and edged cautiously past Precious.
He never again used the bathroom at Jo and Staton's without inspecting every nook and cranny before unzipping.
"I fed and cared for that cat for years," he recalls. "And never once did I ever pet the cat."
Pause.
"Never once did I ever want to pet the cat."
So the Hubs? Not a cat person.
Which may be why he's willing to overlook the fact that our dog has taken up residence in the dirty-laundry basket.
Monday, November 26, 2007
The ABCs of me
Having been tagged by Flutter, I'm offering brief self-descriptions via the alphabet.
Very tricky, actually, especially X and Z!
Affable (especially when tipsy)
Baby got back (and then some!)
Creative
Determined
Empathetic
Fond of cheese, carbs and chocolate
Going on seven years of marriage
Hopeful
Independent
Jokester
Klutz (which doesn't sound positive, but my clumsiness makes for great stories)
Mama
Nocturnal
Outspoken
Pasta-loving
Questioning
Rebellious
Street-smart (professionally, if not always personally)
Terrified of birds
Unreserved
Vivacious
Well-traveled
Xhausted
Yearning
Zestful
I'm tagging anyone who wants to give this a try. Only positive descriptions allowed!
Very tricky, actually, especially X and Z!
Affable (especially when tipsy)
Baby got back (and then some!)
Creative
Determined
Empathetic
Fond of cheese, carbs and chocolate
Going on seven years of marriage
Hopeful
Independent
Jokester
Klutz (which doesn't sound positive, but my clumsiness makes for great stories)
Mama
Nocturnal
Outspoken
Pasta-loving
Questioning
Rebellious
Street-smart (professionally, if not always personally)
Terrified of birds
Unreserved
Vivacious
Well-traveled
Xhausted
Yearning
Zestful
I'm tagging anyone who wants to give this a try. Only positive descriptions allowed!
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