Hubs and Cathy have just returned from a friend's birthday party. Kids are in bed, and our amorous couple is planning a night of passion. (OK, maybe 30 minutes of passion. We're old, easily exhausted and not so limber these days. But I digress.)
HUBS: [waggling eyebrows] I'll be waiting in the bedroom.
CATHY: I'm just going to brush my teeth, wash my face and take out my contacts.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks on the bathroom door.
CATHY: [seductively] Yes....?
HUBS: Uh. The dog just threw up in the kitchen.
CATHY: What did she get into?
HUBS: Possibly some Saltines.
CATHY: OK, hang on a sec.
Five minutes pass. Hubs knocks again.
CATHY: [not so seductively as she is now facing dog-vomit cleanup] Yes...?
HUBS: Hey, just leave the throw-up and we can clean it up after ... you know.
CATHY: I can't have s-e-x knowing that there's dog puke on the floor.
HUBS: Well, we'll clean up right after.
CATHY: By "we" you mean "me." Because you always retch.
HUBS: Well...
CATHY: I cannot stay in the mood knowing that the dog has yakked on the kitchen floor. Sorry. Just can't.
HUBS: Oh. OK.
CATHY: ???????????????????
..................................................
OK, so back to Barbie's foray into porn...
Thursday afternoon, I left for Memphis with a photographer to follow up on the I-40 bus crash. The photographer was B., who, as we now know, decided to pimp out Barbie to GI Joe and take pictures.
Five minutes after I heaved myself into B.'s Tahoe (again, not so limber these days), he handed me his iPhone.
"Check these out," he said.
I turned the phone round and round before realizing I was staring at Barbie's ass. On top of ... ohhhhhhh....
Being the dainty type *snort* I blushed.
B. laughed. "I read your blog," he said.
"Oh. Yeah. Heh. I couldn't resist after Hubs told me about the -- ohmigod, you've got Barbie straddling some brunette chick! And here she is with Joe again. Wow, she's really limber for someone who can't bend her knees more than two clicks. Hey, how does Ken feel about this betrayal?"
B. laughed, and explained how he'd gotten the idea after shooting his son's action figures with some new photo technique.
"So what did your wife say about these? Because if I walked in on Hubs taking pictures of Barbie doing the dirty ... well, we'd be having some discussion about that."
"Uh...she doesn't know. I mean, I haven't told her yet. But I don't think she'll think of them as highly as she does my other work."
14 comments:
hilarious. thanks for the laughs tonight!
In the words of Paris Hilton.... "That's Hot!"
You kill me.
ROFLOL
My big contribution to our night out was to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and my husband's hand touched my thigh. Clearly I am not bringing sexy back.
Such a crack up.
And when is this photographer going to share with his wife? The cat is out of the bag!
Julie
Using My Words
Funny, funny stuff!
Yeah - dog puke will ruin the mood every time LOL
all of this is just beautiful. please tell B to get a blog and post that stuff.
On a side note, my cousin once built an entire nativity out of Ken dolls....
See, those dogs really are a woman's best friend, aren't they? Good doggie! And still no barbie porn pix!
Oh - we had a hairball incident ruin a session the other night - pets are so good for so many things, almost as good as children for narrowing the window of opportunity!
Great post. I needed a laugh before I went to bed.
Jillian
Nice. Why did he mention the dog puke when he knew it was going to have that effect? I know nothing gets me in the mood like a conversation about animal vomit... Ha ha.
andi from Poot and Cubby
"....But I don't think she'll think of them as highly as she does my other work."
YA THINK!??!?!
Heidi :)
Perfect. GI Joe and Barbie doin the nasty and dog puke, nothing say lovin more than THOSE two topics.
*giggle*
Wait - have I missed the Barbie porn pics? That would suck. (*snicker*)
How can men put everything out of their minds to have Sex?? My hubs can ignore everything to get a little. It's an amazing talent.
why do I feel like I'm a smellin' something?
ugh
hey, I don't even have a dog!
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