OK, first, are the mean girls becoming meaner?
Or do YouTube and MySpace just make them appear more horrible than I remember?
I refer to this. And this.
In the latter instance, a girl's mother, ideally the adult in these all-too-common scenarios, is the meanest of the mean girls.
WTF?
I remember slumber parties at which sleepy, cranky girls would get into endless rounds of arguments. Sides would be chosen. I recall one sleepover during which several girls got mad at the one hosting the party. (This was junior high.) The 13-year-old hostess ended up curled inside her sleeping bag, weeping, while a few of us sat on the floor, trying to console her. What prompted the drama? That I cannot remember.
Once, when I was in my early teens, a girl named Tina urged several girls to gang on up me as we returned from a week of church camp. I cowered in a van seat while Tina yanked out a hunk of my hair and several of my "friends" laughed.
Even now, all these years later, I remember that moment and loathe Tina still.
Anyway.
We've read the books, discussed girls and their bullying. We can recite in painful detail our own bouts with this behavior -- but still, this stuff, now readily available on social sites, just blows my mind.
I worry about how my daughter and I will plow through her adolescence.
And I wonder what upsets me more -- the possibility that she will be the victim of mean girls, or that she might become one of them?
12 comments:
I just don't GET it. Why is this happening?
It just scares the crap out of me
I've thought about this a lot, too. I don't know if these things have always been going on, and the world is just more transparent now, or if women are becoming more aggressive and 'meaner'.
If the latter, then what does that mean?
I would also be worried if I had a daughter, how can you not be?
I'm fearful of bullying when it comes to my boys, too. I try to keep on top of things by getting to know their friends and encouraging some friendships (and perhaps not encouraging other friendships quite as much). I'm not sure it's the answer, but so far so good...
Heidi
I do not understand. I just don't. Why are some women just so intimidated by others. Are the aggressors somehow envious of those they bully? I just don't know.
We had a report on our 60 minutes last night. I only caught the first few minutes of it (it occurs at bedtime) and what had me gobsmacked was some of the parents were as bad (heck, worse) than the children.
We had a talk with 'Salina straight after about what it was all about and what she could do if it happened to her - but I hope to goodness that if some mother pounded on my door because her Emmy was in nightly tears over something my 'Salina did, I will not scream at that mother and punch her in the face six times.
My daughter is a senior in high school. One of the things that bothers me is some of the mother's are worst than the kids. Last year a girl threaten my daughter because they were interested in the same boy. It got so bad mine did not want to go to school.
I called the other mother. She totally sided with her daughter and said that other girls should stay away from boys are daughter was interested in. After a talk with the school couselor the situation straighten itself out.
Bad news. Girls are acting more like boys when it comes to violence. When I was in junior high and some other girl did something to me, I would shun her or start a rumor which are painful but not deadly. I'm talking junior high here.
I have been both a mean girl(in a fairly benign way) and I've been a victim. I have always had a conscience and used to(actually I still do) make it a point to be nice to new kids or now people who look uncomfortable at a school event etc. I'm a sucker for the underdog.
You'll have to trust your teachings when it comes to your daughter and hopefully she'll be wonderfully compassionate just like her mom.
It's scary. I don't know why it happens, but I think that all girls, even the nice ones, have the capacity to be on either side of it. The pressure to fit in and be liked can make even the most empathetic girls turn on their friends as a means of self-preservation.
We can only hope that we can manage to raise our girls to rise above, and be the one who calls the others on meanness. The part that really scares me are all of the elements outside of my control that I can't protect my daughters from. (Like horrible other parents!)
I don't think they're getting meaner. I think they've always been this way. I remember a notebook that slowly made the rounds in high school, where all the mean girls had written terrible things about the rest of us. If they'd had access to things like MySpace? OMG. Same meanness, waaaaaay more avenues.
It's awful.
Man, I have I missed reading you. Just catching up now.
I've been embroiled with a little mean girl scandal myself and I have a big blog post about this very subject coming soon.
Of course, not every mean girl's momma has the cops called on me, but still...I hate those mean girls and their mommas.
If I ever have a daughter, that would be my question, too. I guess the best you can hope for is that your daughter will learn to be above the fray -- not becoming a victim, and not being part of the problem, either.
Having been both a mean girl and the victim (mean girls turn quickly) - both are so sad and so painful. It makes me anxious for not-quite-five-year-old.
This subject makes my stomach turn. Ugh.
I have no answers. This completely horrifies and disgusts me.
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