Or, more aptly --
How to Terrify Your Pregnant Friends
Conversation between a girlfriend and me in front of an expectant mother:
... So did you actually look in that rolling mirror during your delivery? Because all I was thinking was, Oh, that's so nice. Brown hair. NOW GET IT OUT!...
... Yeah, they offered me a mirror and were telling me how the baby had a lot of hair, but that's when my husband looked down there and said, "Oh my God, is that normal?" So of course I shot up and I'm like, "What's wrong?! What's not normal?!"
[Expectant mother interjects. "So were your hemorrhoids exploding?"]
... No, it was all the blood. And then at another point, after looking down there again, he leaned over me and said, "Are you OK? That looks incredibly painful. I am so sorry."
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How to Scare Your Girlfriends Who are Still Contemplating Whether to Have Children
... So I always heard that you could *blush* you know, go to the bathroom during a delivery...
... You mean poop? ...
*blush*
... Well, I told my husband that if he saw any poop, I didn't want to know. Not then. Not ever...
... It happens...
... You mean ...? NO!
... Yes...
... [in unison] Really? ...
... Yeah. At one point, my doula told the nurse, "Oh, I'll get that," and removed the paper lining from underneath me. I had this bad feeling, but I didn't want to know at the time. So several months later, I asked my husband if that's what happened and he just laughed. That's when I knew for sure...
[Girlfriend contemplating future children interjects: "I think that, quite possibly, this discussion is worse than the night you made me watch the birthing show that featured the makeup of a placenta.]
17 comments:
LMAO! What seems like it'll be embarassing is so NOT when you're pushing out an eight pound HUGE headed boy! I could care less who walked in and out of the room. :D
Hahaha! Ah, once our friends have children then they know but before they do, they're just such easy targets...
Often the things that end up sounding the scariest are followed by a shrurg, eh, it wasn't that bad...
Isn't funny the things that don;t bother you to talk about once you have children?
I personally love messing with the younger girls at work. It's my way at getting back at them for being young.....
Ha. Reminds me of all the times I would torment my sister...before her pregnancy and during it.
What are big sisters for?
I still don't know if I shat on the table ... but I'm so full of it, I figure it was a safe bet to assume I did.
All the expecting moms in my new moms to be group were terrified of pooping on the table. TERRIFIED.
Then the first one to give birth came to the next meeting with her tiny girl all bundled in pink bunting and as we were cooing over her she said,
"Ladies. I pooped on the table."
And, with that, she set us free.
Yes - birthing babies is not for the squeemish or the modest - is it?! I don't like to be reminded of all the stuff that was going on down there - when I gave birth to my sweet son - not a pretty story. Take care and have good weekend.
*screams and runs away*
I've never had children, and you are one of the only people who has made me think that maybe that isn't such a bad thing ;-)
I was very smug after giving birth to my first child, having not pooped. Of course, he was 5 lbs 14 oz. My second child was nearly ten pounds. I pooped. And you know...I didn't even care. I was just so grateful he was OUT.
It's so horrifying when you hear about it as a young non parent isn't it? Then it happens and you're like...meh. Whatever it takes man. Whatever it takes.
Are you sure that last conversation didn't involve me in any way? Because I know I've had that talk . . . about the poop.
Your poor, poor girlfriend. Someone needs to tell her that none of this makes a hoot of difference! Before she swears off pregnancy for life :)
Heidi
ugh. and yet, i still want another one. what is that about?
LOL...I remember having to just let it go wrt to the poop fear after I heard about it LOL.
Delurking to share my laughter at the subject. Perfect topic of conversation for me to share with the early twenty something, fresh out of college, new career, green, skinny, beautiful, I know everything girls at the office! You know the types. Thanks!
I used to freak about that before my baby, too, but then if you really think about it -- if the worst thing that happens is you poop on the delivery table, that's a pretty good delivery!
hahahaha
mine smelled.
sadly though, hubs now seems to think its okay to poo with the door open...
You know, as my due date is SO close, I could care less about the poop thing.
But it makes the choice for a mirror a bit more easy. You could spot the poop in the mirror and direct the nurse " could you remove the poop please" :)
BTW: Tim is highly entertained by your "big fat kiss" award image.
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