The Toot arrived 3 1/2 weeks early. She was 5 pounds 9 ounces.
Eek.
"Oh, I just love dainty babies," the doctor said as he handed her to us.
Even in the midst of the post-birth pain/euphoria, I fixated.
Five pounds? Nine ounces?
'Scuse me, but where's my eight-pounder? Quick, put her back in -- she's not done yet!
Thankfully, I had fabulous girlfriends who, on seeing how the Toot wallowed in her newborn-sized clothes, scurried out to find premie outfits.
Other people weren't so tactful.
"Wow. I was freaked out by how small a regular newborn was," said one visitor. "I don't know what I'd done if ours had been that tiny."
Ouch.
The doctor told us we wouldn't be allowed to leave the hospital if Tootie's weight dropped below 5 pounds. The day we were discharged, she weighed in at 5 pounds, 2 ounces.
And an obsession, along with a baby, was born.
Four times a week, I hauled the Toot into a breastfeeding shop where scales were available. I charted her weight. I made sure she didn't miss a feeding, even if it meant waking her up to shove a boob into her mouth.
So I was a little ... focused. I was the kid's mother. I had every right.
Other people, however -- well, they did not. Still, they commented, often, on Tootie's size.
"She's so small," my MIL said skeptically, holding the Toot up for inspection. "And yellow."
It's called jaundice, lady. Give us a break, will ya? And she's not small. She's dainty. As in pretty.
I justified my weight obsession by telling myself that I was worried about Tootie's health.
Riiiiiight.
In actuality, I had bought into the Big is Better philosophy that makes us think any baby less than the "average" 7 1/2 pounds is inferior. Or frail. Or weak.
And yet.
The Toot shot up the growth charts. She also shot past the other babies with more impressive birth weights.
Ha.
Two years later, the E-man arrived. Nearly two weeks early.
He was only 6 pounds 12 ounces, but, compared to Tootie, I thought he was ginormous.
Until we kept bumping into elderly women who insisted on comparing my cute Lilliputian to their Gulliver-sized grandchildren.
Bragging grandmas? Shut up. I don't want to hear how your 3-month-old grandchild is bigger than my 6-month-old. And get your raggedy-cuticled finger out of my baby's mouth. Trust me, no kid is that hungry, not even my clearly malnourished tot.
Deep breath. Push aside thoughts of old women who engage in size discrimination.
The E-man remains small for his age. But I don't worry. And I'm not force-feeding him icky milkshake drinks. Small babies, big babies ... who gives a shit as long as they're healthy and growing?
Still -- If you happen see a mom with an extra-small baby, for God's sake don't natter on about how much tinier her baby is than yours. Because if she's a first-time mother, chances are she's already freaking out over her child's unexpectedly low birth weight. Spare her your smugness. Don't add to her anxiety.
Besides, judging by my Tootie's progress, birth weight isn't indicative of anything.
It took me several years to get to this point, but I'm there.
Which means if I have a third child, he/she will probably be an exceptionally big-headed baby, weighing in at 10-plus pounds, leaving me with the Grand Canyon of Hooha's.
16 comments:
Great post. I have to admit, I think I'm guilty as charged since I have one of those ginormous cihldren myself. But I will solemnly sweart to NEVER AGAIN say how little someone's baby is. I never really thought about it, to be honest. But you're so right- I have many girlfriends who had teeny tiny babies and spent so much time obsessing about weight, and all of those children have turned out happy, healthy and normal. Sure they're small... but hey- there are small and big people in this world!
People always have an opinion on how big a baby is, how he looks, how he's raised. It annoys me, so I LOVE this post!
"a vagina that resembles the Grand Canyon of Hooha's." hahahaha!
Nadine is right, everyone has opinions on babies size, color, everything. I found that as soon as I was showing during each pregnancy it was as if I was wearing a huge sign that said PLEASE I NEED YOUR ASSVICE - GIVE IT TO ME NOW."
You're right too, as long as they're healthy, who cares?
Well put. And good lord, what is it with those crazy grandmas with no tact that we keep running into? I hope my mom isn't like that.
Ah, people and their opinions. If only it were appropriate to punch old opinionated grannies in the teeth, but by golly, it just isn't.
And here's hoping that if you have a third that no Grand Canyon will be residing in your hooha! What a perfect line.
Avery was three weeks early too, weighing in at five pounds, eight ounces. She is still a dainty lass, but I tell you, there was a time when I thought I'd go insane from all the "Oh my God, look how small! Is something wrong with her? I mean, your boobs are bigger than your kid, for Christ's sake!"
Mine were 5 lb 8oz (6 wks early) and 5 lb 14 oz (5 weeks early) and I was similarly obsessed. Now? Not so much! Both kids (now 7 and 4) have stayed true to their original 1st year growth patterns, and I now realize that "so tall" to one oblivious commenter is the "dainty" to another! It's enough to make you mental, though!
It goes both ways! My first was 7 lbs, 11 oz, and my second was 10 lbs. Both a day or two late, if that. For a while now, people have asked me if our second is 2 years old ... and she's not quite 17 months yet! Size never worried me, but expectations people have of children based on their size and not their age, that's another thing altogether. Here's hoping I got a pass on the GC! :)
I'm sorry you had this experience. Both my kids came 4 weeks early and were less than 6 pounds, too. But I didn't get any of the comments. I'm so sorry you did.
(When Nicholas was born so early I freaked out, too! And with Elise, I just knew she would be born early.)
Both my kids were tiny. My son was 6lbs 2 ounces, and my daughter was 5lbs 10 ounces. When she was born the entire nursing staff kept coming in (at different times in their shift) to look at the "hospital's tiniest baby". (at that time)
What really took the cake, is when they sent in total strangers, visitors to other new mothers, to do the same.
Nice.
Be careful what you wish for: My third was 10 lbs. 1 ounce (two weeks early) and yes, my hoo-haa is in Va-jay-jay hell.
All three of mine were over 8 pounds. My oldest has stayed in the 75th percentile for his age and weight (he is 13) while both of his bothers (12 & 10) are at or below the 50th percentile.
Birth weight is no indication of future size. Being healthy is the main thing.
My daughter was forcibly ejected from the womb at 41 1/2 weeks weighing 10 lbs, 6 oz and had to spend four days in the NICU for a variety of reasons. You can imagine the comments I got from NICU nurses and parents who were only used to seeing small premies!
Tiny babies? Big babies? It all comes out in the wash. Delaney's on the small side now even though she started her newborn life looking more like a 3-month-old. She was gorgeous to me and she is now. I didn't really need to hear her referred to as the "side show baby in the NICU."
Speaking as someone who did end up with the Grand Canyon of Hoohas due to my large baby, the size comments...it goes both ways.
Now, having had a large baby, when i see a 5 pounder, I do comment on how tiny but it is meant in a complete adorable, look how sweet way. I hope, given that I have a close friend who had a 5 pounder recently, that my tone of voice conveyed that I wasn't judging the size but appreciating the "daintiness" of the baby.
And yep, I'm guilty of the oh, my baby was that big at just 2 months. To offer another perspective, it certainly wasn't meant to judge as mine better/healthier/whatever. I've probably said it because I'm visually reminded just how quickly the newborn stage goes by and regret that I felt like mine went by so much quicker because he was so big. But now, I'll be sure I'll keep it to myself.
LOL! Grand Canyon...
Even when pregnant, I told myself I didn't want to push out a bowling ball. And yet when Fly was born the same size as yours, 6 lbs, 12 oz, it annoyed me to no end when people called him little. I thought, hey! That's almost seven pounds! Where's "medium"? How come there's only small or large?!
Nice site.. Wishing you a Happy Sunday! Keep the articles coming!
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