I've never met Michelle Duggar, although I've certainly heard and seen enough of her during the eight years I've lived in Arkansas.
She wants to have 18 children and keep right on getting pregnant? Fine. That's her decision.
What annoys me is the insistence that she be repeatedly honored on Mother's Day. This year, the Today show took the brood shopping for mom. And the Peabody Hotel put together a lavish luncheon and gave the group a lesson in duck-marching.
In 2004, the state of Arkansas named her Young Mother of the Year, with the then-governor posing with her for a photo.
My issue is this:
Michelle is honored because of the number of children she's borne. Yes, she's most definitely a successful breeder. But is a high number of children truly a testament to one's mothering abilities?
What about the single mom who's raising three kids on her own? What about the mothers who adopt children caught up in the foster care system? Are they not worthy of recognition?
Lastly, what about the women who long for a child, the women who must, each year, watch the Michelle being honored for her ability to get pregnant over and over again?
It's been said many times that "mother" is a verb, not a noun.
So shouldn't the honors be bestowed on those who are mothering — whether its one child or 10 — rather than on a woman who is known for being 18 times a mother?
31 comments:
You make a very good point!
And what is it that ole Jim Bob is doing that allows him to afford so many kids? I wish he would let us all in on that little secret...
Very well said!!
This something I was wondering about earlier this week when I opened the internet to see a huge article on her. I wonder who is raising them because she can't be spending that much quality time with them.
Who says single moms and working moms aren't honored or respected by people who matter? Do they really need a newspaper story to legitimize their noble work?
By complaining and writing about Michelle, you're buying into the whole idea that Mother's Day actually means something. It doesn't. Almost anyone can be a mother. It's being a good and giving person that counts.
I am going to bang up on anon a bit, not anyone can be a mother. People can give birth, but being a mom is a whole different show
Amen, sister!
Don't even get me started on the Dugger's...
Is she actually "mothering" all those kids, or are the kids mothering the kids?
Know what I mean?
I'm in a bit of awe of anyone that can parent over 4 kids successfully so I'm not going to even touch that, but I'm not a big fan of "Mother's Day".
Its so much pressure. I'd rather just be treated with love and care everyday thanks....
I can't really see how giving birth 634 times, or thereabout, is an automatic ticket to being crowned a Good Mother. The fact that the Duggars give each new child to an older child to look after should be enough to raise a few eyebrows.
And yes, Mother's Day might be commercial crap but it's the one day when the media goes to town with telling the world what makes a 'good' mother, and that's not crap. Right or otherwise, what the media says shapes opinions and I personally don't think that the belief that 'good' mothering means churning them out is something that all those who are raising children need to hear. From the media or anyone else.
I agree wholeheartedly.
She may have birthed those babies, but from what they've shared on the television, it appears that the older kids do a large portion of the "mothering" in their household. Maybe her children should be honored on Mother's Day?
I completely agree... my aunt's sister-in-law is in the process of adopting two brothers out of the foster care system - and I admire her for it... she's going to be a GREAT mother...
and just in my own opinion... I think the Duggar's are a little bit nuts... but that's just me, who winces at the thought of more than 3 kids :) My opinion on numbers might change after I have this little bundle... but I doubt it...
Such a good point! Anyone can breed - sheer numbers do not make an automatic amazing mom. Am I the only one who is sort of creeped out by people who have 18 kids? There's something not quite right about that.
Oh this and the whole "non mom" thing really made me grind my teeth.
I agree: it's a noun.
But as I blogged oh-so-recently, we revere the extraordinary and uncommon in our society, and not always to the good.
WHAT HO! Are you on Twitter? How do I not know this? it is b/c I am a Twittertard. I try but alas. How do I find you on twitter?
Ugh - 18! I admire your restraint in not pointing out the fact that one is probably not the best mother when there are 18 to mother. You are so much nicer than I am.
I know nothing about Michelle Duggar, or her mothering abilities, but, yes, I think it would be GREAT if a single mother was honoured one year. What a signal that would send to all those parents who parent by themselves every day of life!
Heidi
Here. Here.
JaniceNW~new blog
I totally agree with you! the older children are raising the younger children they have too cuz Michelle and good ole JimBob are in their newly designed for free bedroom making another baby as soon as one pops out.
Question wonder if there would be more than 1 Duggar child if JimBob had to give birth?
I guess if your getting all these company's giving you stuff for free you don't need to work right JimBob?
18, I just feel for those kids, perhaps it's they who should be bestowed gifts.
I agree. But she must make a better photo opp....
Her older children raise the younger ones, not to mention cook and clean.
Please, don't get me started on her................
Well said, but I think she has some really great children with good heads on their shoulders.
Of course, it's been by necessity but I don't think she has a mean bone in her body and I think she's a sweet lady. I think that is more the reason why she deserves some media and lovin'.
I wish I had more sweetness and less snark all the time.
I totally agree with you, but I also cringe at the idea of media recognition, all those eyes, it would totally creep me out and make me feel more exposed than honored I think.
Every time I see this woman in the news I cringe. Because I honestly. don't. get. it.
And you know what else I wonder? If she were a woman of color, would she receive the same accolades?
Amen! I also agree with MadMad. I can't see how anyone can get quality time in that family.
I've always thought that with so many children that are grown, how much mothering does she really have to do for the younger ones?? I mean ... from what I've seen in documentaries, each child is assigned a child, AND chores, so it's not like she is single-handedly running a house and raising children.
Not that I'm judging how challenging it would be to have 17 children and be expecting the 18th. But I've got three-year-old triplets and a 10-month old and I would LOVE having 14 OLDER children to help me raise them!!
Word up, girlfriend. Making babies is not necessarily the difficult part. A cow can do that. Nurturing a child (whether yours by birth or adoption...or whether it's a classroom full of children who are only yours to teach for a year) with empathy, insight, and compassion is what's important. Michelle Duggar may be a very wonderful mother. But, I have to wonder how much attention she can give to each child. Well said.
yes, yes, YES!!
Coming from infertility-land I really appreciate your take on this story. I too can't help but wonder how much time she has for each child. And why are we rewarding her ability to conceive? I'm not saying she isn't a good mother, but is she really "mother of the year" material?
AMEN!
You see, I don't have a 'mother'... I have a womb-donator (trust me, you don't want to know any more about this 'person'). My paternal grandmother was my 'mother' in every sense of the word, since the age of 2.
"Mother is a verb, not a noun." I had NEVER heard that before, and you have no idea what a profound meaning that has for me. I LOVE it. Now that I have read this on your blog - I will never forget it - it's perfect - absolutely perfect!
Why procreate just because you can? It does not make any sense no matter how you look at it.
I come from a family of several children and can say from experience that the older children in the family raise the younger children. My parents are very loving but it is practically impossible to spend any time with that many children. It is not fair to expect the older children to raise the younger children because they are just that, children. I have a very close bond with my siblings that I raised but feel that I missed out on so much with my parents.
Now adopting several children would be another story altogether. If a family desires many children why would they not parent the children who are already in this world?
Also I wonder, what are Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar searching for that they think they can find with birthing many children? Evidently it is not satisfying them to continually give birth. They should search elsewhere.
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