Really, I just don't seem to fit in.
They weren't very enthused when Hubs and I got married. They weren't unwelcoming -- more like, "Eh. Another wife." Yawn.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm not the first wife. Maybe it's the 14-year age difference between my spouse and me. To put things in perspective -- around the time we started having kids, their youngest grandchildren were teenagers. Their great-granddaughter is the E-man's age.
And yet.
The lack of grandparently behavior wounds.
They showed no interest when I was pregnant with my first.
A week after her birth, they dropped by, but only because they were already in town, visiting my MIL's parents.
MIL picked up my daughter and, after a bizarre moment of inspection, said, "She's so tiny. And yellow."
Yes, well, she was 3 1/2 weeks, early. And that's called jaundice. Now quit being rude and marvel over the wonderousness of my first baby.
There was no baby blanket, like she'd made for all the other grandchildren. No gushing. Just ... stiffly impolite indifference.
They've shown more interest as the kids have gotten older. But it's not a constant thing. Sometimes they're affectionate with the little ones. Sometimes, not so much.
I've tried to let it go. But then Hubs tells me that when we visit them this weekend, my BIL is throwing my MIL a surprise birthday.
And all I can think about is how, last month, she forgot both of my kids' birthdays.
Let's just say I'm not inclined to bring a damn thing to this event. Except maybe a bottle of wine.
For me.
21 comments:
Maybe you should take two bottles!:)
Be sure to be overly nice to the in-laws...that will confuse them because I'm sure they won't be expecting that!
Ouch! Maybe you could surprise her by not mentioning her birthday once at the event?
In-laws are tough. Especially in divorce.
I would spread a rumor at this party that she's lying about her age. She's actually ten years older than she claims, you know.
Relating to all of this post,
P
I really really do not understand this kind of behavior. Similar stuff happens to us:
MIL wouldn't even let the baby out of her hands for the first 6-months. Then all of a sudden she was too busy for them and is now non-existant. What gives?
Grandparents are meant to praise, and hug, and smile, and dote all over their grandkids. Period.
Bastards
Sorry, I keep posting under the wrong identity!
I sound like a super hero
My MIL always had digs about how I raised my kids. The 10 year age difference was what bother her. She did not understand why her son who had a teenager when I married him chose to start over.
Take a couple bottles of wine and drink one before the party so her behaviour doesn't bother you.
I am lucky that my Mother in Law is pretty great. The rest of his family I could do with out, but she is pretty cool.
Bring a flask. That is what I'd do, lol.
perhaps a photo of your kids - you know, to make sure they remember you have them?
That sucks, you seem like such a wonderful person,you (and your kids) deserve a better MIL.
I'm pretty lucky with my MIL.
I had this with my in laws too. It hurts.
A bottle for you and some framed photos of your kids for her. I grin (more like clench my teeth) and bear my MIL. If we ever have kids then the Boy will be responsible for spending time with her and them and I shall go cocktail drinking instead.
Good luck with the party, sounds awful.
That is so crappy! It's bad enough they treat you that way, but to do it to the kids too is just unforgivable. I'll have a bottle of wine this evening, just for you.
UGH!!! Another post I can relate to! Hubs is 12 years older than I am, AND I'm his THIRD wife. His youngest child will be 18 in April. So, after we got married, my m-i-l overheard someone ask me if we were going to have children of our own - she quickly interrupted, laughed, and said "Oh Brother! Of course they aren't! His children are grown - He's not going to start over with a baby!"
Yeah, as I said, I can relate to many things in your life!
I'm glad I live in a different country from my in-laws.
However, getting to know my in-laws made me incredibly thankful for my EX-in-laws and opened my eyes to what wonderful grandparents they are to my son... even though we could not stand each other when I was married DH#1.
Happy Easter Cathy!
oooof.
I would mention your kids' birthdays as much as possible. As in, "wow, this cake looks just like the cake we had at E-man's party just last month!" and "wow, these are the same color balloons we had at Tootie's birthday party that you missed!" I would just keep saying it and saying it and saying it. (Plenty of wine should help.)
How can they not be embarrassed and ashamed? This floors me.
Damn. People stink sometimes, don't they? And you definitely don't deserve it. I'm with Beth, up top: sounds like you're going to need TWO bottles!
My inlaws are none too thrilled with me as Boo's wife, and there is no age difference and I'm his first and only damn wife.
Luckily for the kids though, they dote on all the grandchildren.
And then stick pins in a voodoo doll made in my image.
Ya, Easter was a facking blast. Not. I'm still recovering.
I just looooove family get togethers.
Poor you. I hope your side of the family is more interested in your little ones?
I can relate. This Easter, Fly was able to look for eggs for the first time. Previous Easters had the in-laws watching Fly's cousin's every move during the egg hunt. This year, they didn't even go outside when Fly's egg hunt started.
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