Not in the mood

Not tonight. Not most nights.

And it's not just me. This is a frequent complaint made by my girlfriends.

He wants it. I don't.

My reasons vary:

1. I'm tired. Not sleepy-tired, but weary-in-my-bones tired. My brain is tired. I have other things on my mind, an endless string of must-dos and haven't-dones.

I forgot to get my daughter's shot records for the school.
... must plan her birthday ...
Did I write the check for daycare?

2. I don't feel like getting naked.

It's too cold.
I'm 30 pounds overweight.
My boobs plummet when I take off the underwire.


3. I filed two stories today. Went by the grocery store. Am busily gathering all the documents needed to request a kindergarten transfer.

Why do I always have to ask him to help with the kids at night? I work too.

He says: "Even if I'm not in the mood, I can be persuaded."

I can't. If I'm not, I'm not. And if I'm PMSing, I think about how I wouldn't miss sex at all, not one bit.

Does it change as the kids get older? Where's that mid-30s peak I've always heard about? My theory is that the alleged peak was created by a bunch of sex-starved men who hoped to convince their wives that they really were in the mood, like all the time.

Ha.

Each night, I can sense his expectations, even before he makes a move.

Pre-emptive sex doesn't work. As one girlfriend puts it, "In their minds, that's the appetizer. They just want more, more, more... It's never enough."

And so we wonder, who are these other women who have the extra energy? Who are these women who still have desire?

And, most importantly, where did mine go?

Wanted: Missing libido. Last seen in 2002 during an evening of rum runners in New Orleans. May be dangerous if confronted.

Edited to add: My husband is an attractive man. I love him. But after the kids are in bed, I just want to sprawl on the couch.