Dreading the holiday shuffle

The main problem is this:

For years, my MIL was the mother of three divorced men with children. Every holiday season, she hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas, much to the relief of these single fathers.

Problem is, even though two have remarried, she still expects to play the role of matriarch presiding over the festivities -- at her house.

My in-laws currently live 3 1/2 hours away. During the year we lived in San Antonio, they were 7 1/2 hours from us.

I don't mind visiting the weekend before Christmas. But Christmas Eve and Christmas -- well, I want to spend those days at our home, cultivating our own traditions. I get the impression, however, that my in-laws are not happy with this arrangement.

I spent my childhood traveling during the Christmas holidays. I hated it. During my Santa-believing years, I worried each December that he wouldn't find us. And these were long trips. My mom's family all live in Kentucky, my dad's in east Tennessee. Usually, we traveled by car, which meant a two-day road trip on either end.

Hence my aversion to celebrating away from home.

My adamant stance has created some tense moments in the six years Hubs and I have been married.

During the two that Christmas fell on a Saturday and then a Sunday, my MIL couldn't understand why we didn't visit on the actual holiday.

Before that, in 2004, during our stint in San Antonio, I refused to go at all because I was nearly 8 months pregnant and NOT willing to sit in a car for 7 1/2 hours.

This did not exactly endear me to the in-law crowd.

The worst, however, was one of those Christmas-on-the-weekend years -- 2005, I think. Traditionally, we go to the in-laws the weekend before the holiday. That year, however, my stepkids weren't going to be with us until Christmas weekend. (They were going out of town with their mom and stepdad.)

So we shuffled everything around and told them we'd visit the weekend after. (This maneuver involved asking my parents to wait an additional week before they visited us.) Despite our efforts to placate and please, the in-laws remained upset.

Stricken with guilt, Hubs decided at the last minute to race down to their house -- the day before Christmas Eve. He took Stepdaughter and Stepson with him. I, however, refused to go. There was too much to do here -- wrapping, last-minute shopping, etc... and besides, I had no desire to be on the road Christmas Eve. I wanted to be at home, with my little ones, playing music and decorating cookies for Santa.

So Tootie, E-man and I stayed behind, while Hubs promised to be back with the older kids by 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve.

My in-laws were pissed.

When I called to wish them a merry Christmas, my FIL answered.

"Hi," I said.

Without bothering to move the phone away from his mouth, bellowed to my MIL: "Hey! You'll never guess who's on the phone!"

In a very sarcastic tone.

It was yet another awkward moment.

I hate these annual battles. It's already difficult enough to plan holiday celebrations because we are a stepfamily and have to factor in when the older kids will be with us. Making travel arrangements isn't always easy, because their mom and stepdad also are trying to make the family rounds.

My in-laws, however, can't seem to understand this. Nor do they understand my desire to be in my own house Christmas morning, watching the kids open presents under OUR tree, the one we decorated.

This year's holiday planning looms, and I am dreading it.

Thankfully, we don't have to factor my family into all the planning.

I haven't spent a Christmas at my parents' house in years. As a single reporter, I often worked the holidays, so I would head to Mom and Dad's in early January. When I married, Hubs and I simply continued this tradition.

There's no pressure from my family to get there earlier. (Turns out my parents also hated all that holiday traveling of my childhood, so they understand and have even encouraged me not to worry about what day we make it to their place.)

But Hubs' family -- oh, the resentment each year brings.

So -- how do you, dear readers, handle holiday expectations? Do you stay home? Travel? Travel but resent it?